The Royal Train

"The Royal Train"
Dad's Army episode
The Home Guard meet what they believe is the Royal Train.
Episode no.	Series Six Episode 056
Directed by	David Croft
Story by	Jimmy Perry and David Croft
Produced by	David Croft
Original air date	14/11/73 8.00pm (recorded 29 June 1973)
Running time	30 minutes
Episode chronology
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"The Royal Train" is the third episode of the sixth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army that was originally transmitted on 14 November 1973.

King George VI is set to pass through Walmington by train, and the platoon is to provide the guard of honour. A train duly arrives, but it is the wrong train, and its driver and fireman both fall asleep after drinking tea accidentally sweetened by Mrs Mainwaring's sleeping pills. Now the platoon must move the train to clear the line for the King's train.

The episode opens with Jones smartening up Wilson on the office, getting ready to go up to the station for a special parade, at which Mainwaring will open some sealed orders. Mainwaring arrives, having been to the chemist to get some sleeping pills for Mrs Mainwaring, "a very nervous and highly strung woman, Wilson". Jones relates how the only medicines they had in the Sudan were cascara and bicarbonate of soda; good for making you run and making you belch, but little else.

Pike arrives, and insists it is his turn to carry the Tommy gun, but in the process knocks Mainwaring's sleeping tablets onto the floor and breaks the bottle. Jones says the broken shards of glass could be fatal if Mrs Mainwaring ate them, but Mainwaring seems unconcerned. They are put in a bottle labelled 'saccharine'.

At the station, Frazer is making tea - Walker has supplied it and is charging 3d a cup. Pike asks Mainwaring if once he has read the secret orders, he is going to eat them, whereupon Jones volunteers to eat them.

Mainwaring goes into the kitchen and opens the secret orders, in the process leaving the saccharine bottle on the kitchen table. He comes out and gathers the platoon round him, then quietly reveals that King George VI will shortly be passing through the station in the Royal Train. The platoon are to guard the station, and present arms as the train steams through. Mainwaring emphasises the secrecy, then Hodges arrives, shouting "where's the King". The platoon practise presenting arms, then the station master and clerk arrive, flustered, asking if the King is here yet. The platoon practise some more, the vicar, verger and mayor arrive.