The Way We Weren't

"The Way We Weren't" is the twentieth episode of The Simpsons' fifteenth season. It originally aired on the Fox network in the United States on May 9, 2004.

When Homer and Bart fight over the use of a beer bottle Milhouse wants to use, it lands them in the Simpson family court, which is held in the living room with Lisa presiding as judge. Bart dares Homer to tell if he ever kissed a girl as a ten-year-old, but when Marge says that Homer's first kiss was with her in high school, Homer confesses that it was not his first kiss. Homer recalls that when he was 10, he went to a camp for underprivileged boys, Camp See-A-Tree, where Homer met Lenny, Carl, and as a counselor, Moe (although in reality Moe's parents had just abandoned him at the camp). It turned out during the evenings the summer camp was more like a prison as they had to work as servants in the kitchen at a girls' camp Camp Land-A-Man across the lake, because due to parents' lawsuits, the girls' camp could not afford dishwashers. Homer found a retainer and returned it to the girl who lost it, though he could not see her (they were separated by the kitchen wall). She asked Homer to see her later that night. He did so, even though due to an accident with a switchblade he was wearing an eye patch. Homer tells Bart and Lisa that she was the prettiest girl he had ever met until he later met their mother. However, Marge surprises everyone by admitting that she was that girl Homer met and that if she had known that Homer was the boy she would have never married him. Marge gives her side of the story, saying that she was with Patty and Selma, Helen Lovejoy, Luann Van Houten and Cookie Kwan at their camp, "Camp Land-A-Man". She fell in love with the boy who returned her retainer, but the other girls joked at what his name could be, settling coincidentally with "Big Ugly Homer," prompting Homer to give her a false name "Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar".