The Fear of Wages

"The Fear of Wages" is an episode of The Goon Show, a British radio comedy, written by Spike Milligan and Larry Stephens. As the 25th episode of the sixth series, it was first broadcast on 6 March 1956 and was among the shows first repeated in the 1970s following the success of The Last Goon Show of All in 1972. Appearing on a program entitled 'Goons Night' on BBC Radio 2, broadcast 29 May 2001, Spike Milligan announced this as his favourite episode of The Goon Show.

Like many of The Goon Show titles, it was a parody of a contemporary film, The Wages of Fear (1953). Wallace Greenslade initially announces that title as "Le Salaire de la peur, meaning The Wages of Fear, or in English...". Sellers then announces, as Willium ("Mate"), "The Fear of Wages! Ohhh!".

The plot is loosely based on the plot of the film, The Wages of Fear; transporting nitroglycerin by trucks.

Burma, 6th of March, 1956: Colonel Neddie Seagoon of the 4th Armoured Thunderboxes reads a telegram that Major Bloodnok failed to show him in 1945 because he thought it was a practical joke. The telegram states that World War II ended in August 1945, which comes as a shock because Seagoon and the others have been fighting the Imperial Japanese Army, now confined to a tree, for the last fourteen years.

Fortunately, however, General Yakamoto emerges from the tree with a white flag, wishing to borrow more ammunition to keep fighting. The British refuse and so the Japanese surrender, voluntarily giving up their supplies: one thousand cans of nitroglycerine and two thousand cans of sake. The ever-degenerate Bloodnok takes command of the sake, leaving Seagoon to telephone the War Office with news of the victory. Naturally, his first attempt is a "wrong number". After intoning a noble speech as he dials and listens to the phone ring, he hears the greeting (in the voice of Willium again), "Battersea Dogs Home, mate!".

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