"She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)" is a song written by Tim DuBois and recorded by American country music singer Jerry Reed. It was released in June 1982 as the third and final single from the album, The Man with the Golden Thumb. A satire on divorce, the song was Reed's third and final No. 1 country hit in the late summer of 1982, and one of his signature tunes.

The song is a tongue-in-cheek reflection on the recent divorce of a blue-collar worker, that role being filled by the song's main protagonist. Here, the man comments about how his marriage (which he admittedly entered into mainly because he did not like his own home-cooked meals and that his girlfriend was a much better cook than him) used to have some good memories, but the lust faded from their relationship after several children were born. He then admits he was not surprised to come home one day to learn his wife had left him, changed the locks to the doors on the house, and gave him only a suitcase with his belongings and a note telling him "Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch."

The protagonist concedes defeat, agreeing to give her "her fair share," only to learn her "fair share" is much more than he expected—she wins effectively everything. Not only does the judge award the woman "the color television set, the house," full custody of "the kids and both of the cars" among almost everything else he owns, but the judge also imposes a litany of alimony, child support and court fees on the man, "more than this cowboy makes," forcing the singer to "(work) two shifts, eating bologna" just to cover the expenses. The punchline of the song comes from the protagonist's conclusion: he should've just learned how to cook.

The closing of the record includes a spoken word epilogue, in which the man declares to the judge that he no longer needs his billfold; because of all the rulings against him, his net income is now so low that he qualifies for the Food Stamp Program. The judge immediately declares him in contempt of court at this revelation. (This was the second Reed song to end in such a manner; "When You're Hot, You're Hot" also ended with Reed in court before a surprisingly hostile judge, who holds him in contempt when he talks back.)

"She Got the Goldmine" spent two weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot Country Singles chart in September 1982, and spent a total of twelve weeks on that chart's Top 40.

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