Scoring off Jeeves

"Scoring off Jeeves"
1922 Cosmopolitan illustration by T. D. Skidmore
Author	P. G. Wodehouse
Country	United Kingdom
Language	English
Series	Jeeves
Genre(s)	Comedy
Publisher	The Strand Magazine
Media type	Print (Magazine)
Publication date	February 1922
Preceded by	"Aunt Agatha Takes the Count"
Followed by	"Sir Roderick Comes to Lunch"

"Scoring off Jeeves" (also published as "Bertie Gets Even") is a short story by P. G. Wodehouse, and features the young gentleman Bertie Wooster and his valet Jeeves. The story was published in The Strand Magazine in London in February 1922, and then in Cosmopolitan in New York in March 1922. The story was also included in the 1923 collection The Inimitable Jeeves as two separate chapters, "The Pride of the Woosters Is Wounded" and "The Hero's Reward".

Jeeves's annual vacation is coming up. While Jeeves is preparing the substitute valet who will serve in his absence, Bertie overhears him inform the substitute that Mr. Wooster is "mentally negligible". Bertie is offended.

Later, Bertie goes to a club for a drink, to fortify himself for his upcoming lunch with his overbearing Aunt Agatha. At the club, Bertie sees his friend Bingo Little. Bingo is living at Ditteredge Hall, the country house of the Glossop family, as a tutor to the Glossops' son, Oswald; Bertie is an acquaintance of the son's older sister, Honoria. Bingo declares that he has fallen in love with Honoria, surprising Bertie, who finds Honoria's aggressive personality frightening.

At lunch, Aunt Agatha tells Bertie that she has found a capable girl for Bertie to marry: Honoria Glossop. Bertie, shocked, tries to reject this idea, but Aunt Agatha intimidates Bertie into visiting Ditteredge Hall. Bertie decides to prove Jeeves wrong and get himself out of Aunt Agatha's scheme without Jeeves's help.

At Ditteredge, Bertie finds Bingo, and Oswald, who is fishing from a bridge. Oswald irritates Bertie. Bertie suggests that Bingo shove Oswald into the water. Bingo likes the idea, but declines, knowing that Honoria loves Oswald. Inspired, Bertie formulates a plan: Bingo will hide in nearby bushes while Bertie lures Honoria close to the bridge, and then Bertie will push Oswald off, so that Bingo can impress Honoria by rescuing Oswald. Bingo agrees to the plan.

Honoria and her friend, Daphne Braythwayt, arrive at Ditteredge. Bertie lures Honoria to the bridge. Once there, Bertie tells Honoria that a friend of his is in love with her, but is too shy to tell her. Honoria laughs. She notices Oswald, and remarks how he could easily fall off. Bertie says he will warn Oswald, walks up to Oswald, and then pushes him off the bridge. Bertie awaits Bingo's entrance, but Bingo does not appear. Finally, Bertie dives after Oswald, but Oswald swims ashore himself. Feeling defeated, Bertie swims to shore.