In "Jesus Was Way Cool," frontman John S. Hall, over a simple piano figure, delivers a deadpan monologue in which he declares Jesus "way cool" for such skills as healing, walking on water, and turning water into wine. Hall states that Jesus did "anything he wanted to do," and could have surpassed the achievements of Jimi Hendrix, Wayne Gretzky, and Mikhail Baryshnikov in their respective fields. Hall then postulates that the crucifixion of Jesus was in fact motivated by jealousy of his coolness, and that the subsequent resurrection of Jesus is further evidence of said coolness. Hall concludes, "No wonder there are so many Christians."