If the Cap Fits...
| "If the Cap Fits..." | |
|---|---|
| Dad's Army episode | |
| Episode no. |
Series Five Episode 046 |
| Directed by | David Croft |
| Story by | Jimmy Perry and David Croft |
| Produced by | David Croft |
| Original air date | 10/11/72 6.50pm (recorded Friday 30/6/72) |
| Running time | 30 minutes |
If the Cap Fits... is the sixth episode of the fifth series of the British television sitcom Dad's Army that was originally transmitted on 10 November 1972.
Mainwairing is giving a slide show, but Frazer comments he is wasting everyone's time on a fine summers evening with another irrelevant lecture. Mainwairing agrees to let Frazer take over for a few days to assuage his grumbling...
The episode opens with the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard unit in the church hall, waiting for Mainwaring to give a presentation. The platoon is disgruntled at being shut in on a fine summers evening, and led by Frazer, they begin a chorus of 'Why are we waiting'. Mainwaring enters and tells them to be quiet. He begins to give them a farcical slideshow entitled "Know your enemy". This contains exaggerated drawings of German infantrymen, panzer crew and parachutists. The show is narrated languidly by Wilson, who insists on wearing a monocle. Mainwaring interjects with stereotypical comments such as:
All through this Jones is attempting to man the projector, much hampered by the Verger, who is there to prevent any "damage to the Vicar's apparatus". Godfrey is asleep whilst Walker and Pike interject with silly questions. Hodges arrives, and accuses them of looking at dirty pictures, then Jones finally messes up and shows a picture of a topless Zulu native from the Vicar's slide collection, "Light into Darkest Africa", much to Hodges' delight and Mainwaring's discomfort.
Afterwards in the office Mainwaring threatens to stop Wilson wearing the monocle, but Wilson responds by threatening to tell everyone that Mainwaring wears arch supports for his feet. Frazer enters, and not only tells Mainwaring the lecture is a waste of time, but consults his notes and reminds Mainwaring of other similar lectures, such as "Why the Germans don't play cricket" and "How to send Hitler a poisoned carpet" (because he chews the rug). Mainwaring is furious at Frazer's insubordinate behaviour. He then consults the Home Guard manual, and discovers a potential solution to the problem. Back on parade, he challenges Frazer to take command of the platoon for a week, and to Mainwaring's surprise Frazer agrees.
Once Frazer is in charge, he swiftly sacks Sergeant Wilson for discrepancies in the platoon stores, then is so rude to Jones (calling him a "wooly-minded old ditherer") that he resigns. Mainwaring meanwhile has been banished to the broom cupboard, where he is soon joined by a furious Wilson and a distraught Jones. Mainwaring initially claims that Frazer is playing into their hands by "antagonizing" the rest of the platoon, reasoning that if nobody will serve under him, "he's done for". They are then interrupted by Pike, who reveals he is now the platoon's new lance corporal, having been promoted by Frazer (due to Pike's "hidden qualities" of "drive, tenacity, and leadership"). Just as the other three men are recovering from the shock, they are again interrupted, this time by Wilson's replacement: the newly promoted Sergeant Walker (having assumed the demeanor of a hard-nosed NCO, complete with swagger stick), who proceeds to tell the now-Privates Wilson and Jones that they can go home (to "recuperate"), and also passes along a request from Frazer: that Mainwaring should also turn over his own swagger stick and leather gloves.
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