We Can Get Them For You Wholesale

"We Can Get Them for You Wholesale" is a short story by Neil Gaiman written in 1989. The story was first published in the British magazine Knave, and has also been included in his short story collections Angels and Visitations (1993) and Smoke and Mirrors (1998), and in the anthology Bangs & Whimpers: Stories About the End of the World. It is a lighthearted tale of morbid irony and one man's weakness for a bargain.

The story is about Peter Pinter, a mild-mannered city-dweller who finds his fiancée unfaithful, and so, in the spirit of revenge, searches the phone book for an assassin. To his surprise, he finds just what he is looking for, and, to his curiosity, the company offers special deals and discounts for large orders. Of course Peter happens to be a sucker for bargains, and soon finds himself in over his head.

"We Can Get Them for You Wholesale" has been adapted into several independent short films, including "four or five [student films] a year". It has also been adapted into a comic that was nominated for the Eisner Award in 1995.

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