Verbal Aikido

Verbal self-defense, also known as verbal judo or verbal aikido, is defined as using one's words to prevent, de-escalate, or end an attempted assault.

It is a way of using words to maintain mental and emotional safety. This kind of "conflict management" involves using posture and body language, tone of voice, and choice of words as a means for calming a potentially volatile situation before it can manifest into physical violence. This often involves techniques such as taking a time-out, deflecting the conversation to less argumentative topics, and/or redirecting the conversation to other individuals in the group who are less passionately involved.

Verbal self-defense experts have widely varying definitions of what it is and how it is applied. These include everything from a person simply saying no to someone else or repeatedly refusing a request to telling someone who has violated a personal boundary what he/she ought to know. It could even entail a more complicated scenario in which a person is called on to refuse to engage verbally with someone manipulative, to set limits, and to end the conversation.

In any definition it is always agreed that verbal self-defense is necessary as a means of enforcing personal boundaries and limits. Part of learning these skills includes learning how to identify communication triggers which cause a person to experience negative feelings and, in some cases, what those triggers represent with regards to what personal values the other person are violating.

The abusive types of communication that verbal self-defense is designed to acknowledge and deal with also vary greatly. This includes indirect forms of abuse such as backhanded comments, and backstabbing or two-faced behaviors. As well, verbal self-defense is meant to address more commonly recognized forms of abuse such as yelling, belittling, and name calling. Going beyond verbal attacks, abusive behaviors also recognized in the field of verbal self-defense are aggressive posturing (taking a threatening posture or making a threatening gesture), physically interfering with personal belongings, and inappropriately intruding on one's personal space..

Most experts who write and publish articles and books on the subject of verbal self-defense identify several key elements to strong verbal self-defense skills.

Authors and professional instructors offering seminars and workshops have differing views with regard to whether or not verbal self-defense is a form of "persuasion" and if "consequences" for the attacker should be considered a key component.

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Wikipedia