The Rules
The Rules book cover
|
|
| Author |
Ellen Fein Sherrie Schneider |
|---|---|
| Cover artist | Diane Luger |
| Country | United States |
| Language | English |
| Subject | Relationships, Dating |
| Genre | Self-help |
| Publisher |
Grand Central Publishing, (Warner Books) |
|
Publication date
|
1995-02-14 |
| Media type | |
| Pages | 192 |
| ISBN | |
| OCLC | 30915354 |
| 646.7/7 20 | |
| LC Class | HQ801 .F44 1995 |
| Followed by | The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By |
The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right is a self-help book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, originally published in 1995.
The book suggests rules that a woman should follow in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams; these rules include that a woman should be "easy to be with but hard to get". The underlying philosophy of The Rules is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather ought to get the men to pursue them. A woman who follows The Rules is called a Rules Girl.
The book generated much discussion upon its release. Some audiences considered it useful and motivational, while others felt that it was outdated, anti men and antifeminist, or a how-to guide that teaches women to play games that toy with men. Psychology lecturer and therapist Dr Meg-John Barker claims that the emergence of seduction communities happened "almost as a direct response to this hard-to-get femininity". Others noted that Fein was an accountant and Schneider a freelance journalist without professional qualification in the subject matter. Fein married and divorced, and has recently remarried. Schneider has been married for over 21 years. The authors admitted they were not professionals in an appearance on NBC's The Today Show.
They have countered the criticism regarding their credentials by citing the results of actually following The Rules, though there is no body of evidence to support this. Another criticism is that because The Rules advise rarely returning phone calls and other such hard-to-get dating methods, some men may have trouble telling the difference between a woman who is genuinely not interested (or not interested anymore) and one who is genuinely interested, thus leading to misunderstandings and stalkers; not only for women using The Rules, but any man who believes all women are playing similar games even when they are not.
Proponents of the methods offered in the book point to The Rules as having positive results for both men and women. They represent the point of view that men enjoy being the aggressor and are inspired to treat women better who choose behaviors which set up boundaries and slow down the courtship process. Advocates also elucidate that a woman making herself easily available to men may increase her chances of being unconsciously or unscrupulously taken advantage of or abused. By applying a deliberate approach to relationships, Rules champions suggest, a woman has the time and space to discover and reflect upon the character and actions of a man she is dating. Feminist values, they point out, do not preclude reacting with temperance and emotional independence to an initial attraction (on the part of a woman). They also cite that discipline and consideration inform the actions which create egalitarian relationships.
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Wikipedia