The Music Lovers (The Goodies)

"The Music Lovers" is an episode of the award-winning British comedy television series The Goodies.

This episode is also known as "The Music Master" and "Music Master" and as "The Stolen Musicians".

Written by The Goodies, with songs and music by Bill Oddie.

Tim and Graeme are listening to a string quartet in an open-air classical music concert. Bill is also present at the concert, but he is listening to rock music on his radio. Suddenly, some men in dark-coloured suits force the string quartet members to leave the stage. Shocked and disbelieving at what they have just witnessed, the Goodies go home.

Both Graeme and Tim are very disappointed. They had been enjoying listening to the classical music, and they check the newspaper for some live classical music elsewhere, but find that all the live music concerts have been replaced by jukebox music. Turning on the television to hear classical music, they find that Moira Anderson is missing — and they are just in time to see Kenneth McKellar being dragged off stage. The live music television programmes are all being taken over by recorded music.

The Goodies decide to investigate what is happening and form their own music group so that they would also be stolen. Bill 'tunes' their piano so that all the notes sound identical. When Graeme complains, Bill 'tunes' the keyboard so that the keyboard will play musical tunes when a person moves his hand up and down the keyboard (Graeme makes him change the keyboard back to normal). The Goodies try various types of music, and various musical instruments (including a piano accordion which stretches to "the point of no return"). Finally, with Bill playing the guitar, and Graeme programming his computer to play orchestral music, they decide to sing "Land of Hope and Glory" — Bill is the principal singer, and Graeme and Tim sing harmony — with Tim receiving help with his harmony in the form of his "glee singers" (two very pretty girls). At the end of the song, they wait to be kidnapped, and are upset when only Tim's "glee singers" are stolen; the kidnappers reject them because they "ain't good enough."