The Abstinence

"The Abstinence"
Seinfeld episode
Episode no.	Season 8 Episode 9
Directed by	Andy Ackerman
Written by	Steve Koren
Production code	809
Original air date	21 November 1996
Guest appearance(s)
Phil Morris as Jackie Chiles Bob Odenkirk as Ben Derek Jeter as himself Bernie Williams as himself Alex Trebek as himself Brenda Strong as Sue Ellen Debra Jo Rupp as Katie Meagen Fay as Mrs. Burns Tamara Bick as Louise Lawrence Mandley as Larry the Cook Kyle Gass as Smoker Fern Fitzgerald as Ms. Wilkie Judy Kerr as Woman David Letterman as himself (uncredited)
Season 8 episodes
September 1996 – May 1997 "The Foundation" "The Soul Mate" "The Bizarro Jerry" "The Little Kicks" "The Package" "The Fatigues" "The Checks" "The Chicken Roaster" "The Abstinence" "The Andrea Doria" "The Little Jerry" "The Money" "The Comeback" "The Van Buren Boys" "The Susie" "The Pothole" "The English Patient" "The Nap" "The Yada Yada" "The Millennium" "The Muffin Tops" "The Summer of George"
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Abstinence" is the 143rd episode of the American sitcom Seinfeld. This was the ninth episode for the eighth season. It was originally broadcast on the NBC network on 21 November 1996.

George's girlfriend has mononucleosis, so he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine has met a doctor (Bob Odenkirk) who has almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, but he is bumped back because the children love the zoo worker, then when he is about to go on, there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave by Larry. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge.

Jerry's agent gets him a whole assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper; he finds he is learning new things quickly and is now "smart". Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine when he is unable to help a diner customer experiencing a medical emergency. She uses George's technique of abstinence to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes stupid. Later in the episode, she begs Jerry to have sex with her again, because she wants to clear her mind. When Jerry turns her down because the situation is "too weird", she then asks him if Kramer is home.

Because Kramer has been smoking heavily, his face becomes leathery and "hideous". Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George however creates a presentation for Jerry's assembly. He uses his new-found intellect to give batting advice to New York Yankees players Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams, and to learn Portuguese. Kramer sees his lawyer Jackie Chiles about a case against the tobacco company for ruining his good looks, as his looks are his livelihood. He gets a settlement without Jackie's input; it turns out he gets a billboard with his face on it in Times Square, much to Chiles' displeasure.

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