Tampuhan

Tampo, in Philippine culture, refers to a range of behavior in which a person withdraws his or her affection or cheerfulness from a person who has hurt his or her feelings.

The term has no precise equivalent in English, though "sulking" or "to sulk" is often considered the closest translation. The Malay-Indonesian equivalent is merajuk.

Reekay Valez notes, "To avoid confrontation, this tampo thing has developed over the years to where they don't wanna speak in anger, they don't wanna confront and say, 'Hey, you hurt me with this or that.' What I found out triggers it most of the time is that a guy spent one nanosecond more than he should've noticing a pretty girl passing by. 99 percent of the time, that's what it is. All of a sudden, the wife, the girlfriend doesn't wanna talk to him anymore."

Tampo usually is manifested in the withdrawal of affectionate or cheerful behavior, and its expression is almost entirely nonverbal. These manifestations may include:

These are usually efforts to get the offending party to make amends, and if these behaviors do not work, one might choose to escalate them, perhaps to foot-stamping, door-slamming, or muttering.

While these external manifestations may indeed sound like "sulking" in the western sense, the underlying cultural reason for them is what sets tampo apart. While sulking has strong negative connotations in western countries, tampo is quite acceptable among Filipinos. In fact, tampo has positive connotations for the Filipino, quite aside from the obvious negative ones.

As a cultural behavior, tampo springs from the nonconfrontational nature of Philippine social interaction. Tampo offers an acceptable means of expressing hurt feelings in a society in which direct expression of anger or resentment is discouraged. The withdrawal behaviors of tampo are indirect ways of expressing hostility.Tampo may also be seen as a means by which Filipinos "save face", as direct confrontation is usually a threat to the "smooth interpersonal relationships" (SIR) deeply valued in Philippine society.

The basic expectation of one who engages in tampo is that the offending party will woo or cajole him or her out of the feeling of being unhappy. The Tagalog word for this is amuin. This wooing and cajoling is done in a loving and tender way, a gesture called lambing.

For the offending party, the typical Philippine way of dealing with tampo is to respond to the offended party with friendly overtures or expressions of concern, after a short "cooling-off" period. Not to do this may cause relations, especially romantic ones, to deteriorate. In most instances in which tampo is engaged in, healing the inner, emotional relationship between two people is usually more critical than resolving the issue itself.

Per the Asawa Guide to Fil-West Relationships, tampo "is a mild behavioral reprimand that verges on role-playing. Tampo is mild and controlled and is the direct result of some perceived offense of a minor nature. It is short in duration. . . . Apologize for your bad behavior. Whether or not you’re guilty of the perceived 'crime' is irrelevant. The important thing is that your girlfriend or wife desires to be consoled. She has been wounded emotionally and requires emotional solace. Intellectual objections will have little effect, and may actually aggravate the condition. . . . After you apologize, allow the Filipina to lift the tampo slowly, at a respectable pace. Do not expect instant results. Do not continue apologizing, again and again, in an attempt to speed the tampo's demise. This will only make you look foolish, and it won't work. Keep your dignity, and let her keep hers. . . . Similarly, don’t accuse a Filipina of tampo – that will embarrass her, and would be a breach of etiquette on your part. Her job is to execute the tampo as best she can, and your job is to play along and make her feel better. . . . The old standby's are still effective: a romantic card, chocolate, jewelry. . ."

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Wikipedia