Speed 3
| "Speed 3" | |
|---|---|
| Father Ted episode | |
| Episode no. |
Series 3 Episode 3 |
| Directed by | Andy DeEmmony |
| Written by | Graham Linehan, Arthur Mathews |
| Original air date | 27 March 1998 |
| Guest appearance(s) | |
|
Pat Laffan (Pat Mustard) |
|
Pat Laffan (Pat Mustard)
John Rogan (Mr. Fox)
Eamon Morrissey (Father Beeching)
Arthur Mathews (Father Clarke)
Gail Fitzpatrick (Mrs. Millet)
"Speed 3" is the third episode of the third series of the Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted and the 20th episode overall. The episode parodies the action-thriller film Speed and the sequel Speed 2: Cruise Control. "Speed 3" was written after the show's writers Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews asked themselves: "How can we make a worse sequel than Speed 2?" This episode was voted the fans' favourite episode on Channel 4's "Father Ted Night."
The episode begins with Ted and Dougal returning to the parish from the Annual Baby of the Year Competition. Ted is extremely disappointed with Dougal, who got overexcited running around with the babies, and subsequently vomited all over Ted. They also express their bewilderment at how many "hairy" babies there were at the competition. During Ted's explanation about the redundancy of shaving babies he trips on a brick that Mrs. Doyle has placed in the centre of the floor, having apparently seen the idea in a magazine on decorating tips.
Mrs Doyle shrieks, interrupting Ted mid-rant and flees from the living room to the kitchen having spotted something out of the window. Ted and Dougal comment on Mrs Doyle's garish appearance, wearing make up and bright periwinkle blue attire. Dougal comments on whether it is in fact Mrs Doyle. The scene cuts to the outside of the house where the new milkman, Pat Mustard, has just pulled up. Mrs Doyle introduces him to Ted in the kitchen.
Later that night, Ted discovers that Pat Mustard has been "making hairy babies" with the women of Craggy Island on his rounds, even though he is about 60 years old, due to photos Dougal was looking at (photos show babies with mustaches and sideburns). Ted goes to Mustard the next day and tells him that he saw strange photos with hairy babies and considers Mustard "The hairy-baby-maker". This begins a fierce argument between Ted and Mustard, ending with Mustard leaving the priests' house declaring smugly, "You'll have to get up VERY early in the mornin' to catch me, Father."
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