Senator Claghorn

Senator Beauregard Claghorn of Charleston, South Carolina, was a popular radio character on the "Allen's Alley" segment of The Fred Allen Show, beginning in 1945. Succeeding the vaguely similar but not nearly as popular Senator Bloat from the earliest "Allen's Alley" routines, Senator Claghorn, portrayed by Allen's announcer, Kenny Delmar, was a blustery Southern politician whose home was usually the first at which Allen would knock. Claghorn would typically answer the door with, "Somebody, ah say, somebody knocked! Claghorn's the name, Senator Claghorn, that is. I'm from the South. Suh."

Claghorn had an unshakable obsession with the South, and would proudly voice his disdain for the North in humorous ways. For instance, the Senator refused to ever wear a "Union suit" or drive through the Lincoln Tunnel when he visited New York City, and he claimed to drink only out of Dixie cups. The Senator even rebuked Allen for saying the word "no" in his presence, saying "N-O.. That's North abbreviated!!"

Some of the Senator's other anti-Northisms included:

When Allen was finally able to speak to the Senator, he would ask him a topical question, to which Claghorn would respond with a rapid stream of talk, shouting, repetition and punnery. After a quip, the senator would laugh uproariously, and utter one of his two catchphrases: "That's a joke, son!" or "Pay attention now, boy!"

Claghorn would also make frequent jabs at Allen, using analogies which would astonish the audience in their ability to paint a picture. After a tirade of invective from Allen, Claghorn responded by advising Allen that "Your tongue's waggin' like a blind dog's tail at a meat market." A torrent of laughter from the studio audience followed such exchanges.

Delmar debuted Claghorn on the Allen broadcast of October 5, 1945, and the character stayed through the show's end in 1949, when the series transitioned from "Allen's Alley" to a "Main Street" segment to accommodate Allen's final sponsor, Ford Motor Company. In one episode, Allen asked the Senator what he was doing to remedy his sleep problem; the Senator said he crooned himself to sleep with his southern lullaby, which went thus:

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