Sambandham

Sambandham (literally "relationship") was a marital system primarily followed by the Nairs, Ambalavasi and some Ezhavas in what is the present-day Indian state of Kerala. All of these were matrilineal communities. The custom is no longer observed. Alternate names for the system were used by different social groups and in different regions; they included Pudavamuri, Pudavakoda, Vastradanam, Vitaram Kayaruka, Mangalam and Uzhamporukkuka.

Act IV of the Madras Marriage Act, 1896, defined Sambandham as "an alliance between a man and a woman, by reason of which they, in accordance with the custom of the community to which they belong, or to which either of them belongs, cohabit or intend to cohabit as husband and wife."

On a suitable date fixed by an astrologer, the groom and his family would arrive at the house of the bride. They would be entertained in the southern hall of the house, which would be specially decorated for the ceremony. Two big brass oil lamps and paras of paddy would be kept in the centre of the room, with a bunch of coconuts in front of the lamp. The groom would be seated before the lamp. At the auspicious hour, an elderly woman would bring in the bride before the groom. With the permission of the elders of the bride, the bridegroom would present the bride a wedding shawl or pudava. Once the bride receives the cloth, she presents the bride groom with "thamboola" (betel leaves and arecanut). Following this a feast would be given in the house, and the ceremony would be concluded. A Sambandham may take place only if the bride had already had the elaborate ritual marriage known as Kettu Kalyanam.

- Wingram, Malabar Law and Custom

While marriage is generally expected to bind the man and woman involved in a permanent alliance, the Marumakkathayam law of Kerala did not consider this kind of lifelong alliance to be the most important part of marriage. Sambandam marriages were more contractual and could be dissolved at will by either party. By the late 18th century, changes started appearing in the system and the Sambandam started becoming more regularised. Under this matrilineal or matriarchal system, women had property rights; children inherited from their mothers and not their fathers. As a result, fathers were excluded from almost any responsibility in the upbringing or care of their children. The maternal uncles of the children were more important to their upbringing. Sambandam was a ceremony to establish the right to cohabit and acknowledge a sort of partnership between a man and a woman. Families arranged these, which did not depend on individual choice, though divorce could also be contracted. A woman could have Sambandam with a male of her same caste or of superior caste. But, Sambandam cannot be considered synonymous to concubinage. It was regulated because it could only be contracted after certain rituals for the bride, which were mandatory on the pain of excommunication.

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