Psirens

"Psirens" is the first episode of science fiction sit-com Red Dwarf Series VI and the 31st in the series run. It was first broadcast on the British television channel BBC2 on 7 October 1993. Written by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor and directed by Andy de Emmony. The episode – which involves Psirens who try to lure the crew to them to feast on their brains – had its script published before the episode was broadcast.

Lister awakens with amnesia and Kryten explains that he's been in Deep Sleep aboard Starbug for the past 200 years. When Rimmer and Cat both recover from their hibernation, Kryten updates them on the situation: Red Dwarf itself had been stolen by an unknown party and the original crew had been chasing the ship's vapour trail ever since. Red Dwarf has currently been forced to circumnavigate an asteroid belt, giving Starbug the opportunity to reach the ship by shortcutting through the belt. However, the belt turns out to contain a spaceship graveyard inhabited by Psirens, shape-changing GELFs who lure unwary travellers to them using psychic visions and suck out their brains.

Cat is almost lured by attractive women claiming to need mass insemination and Lister sees Kristine Kochanski, who tells him that she has two children, Jim and Bexley, that are his. A flaming meteor then appears hurtling toward the ship, but Kryten deduces it to be an illusion as Starbug's sensors do not detect it. Unfortunately, Rimmer is left in charge and assumes another flaming meteor to be fake; this time, the illusion is the lack of response from the ship's sensors.

Starbug is struck and crashes onto an asteroid. Lister exits the ship to blast the front landing gear out. Outside he encounters a lustful figure from his adolescence (the sister of one Pete Tranter). Although he is fully aware that she is actually a Psiren, the illusion is too strong for Lister to overcome his desires, and he snogs with her. He is ironically saved by another Psiren disguised as Kryten, who murders the first one in order to steal its victim. The second Psiren gives itself away by calling Lister 'Dave' (something the real Kryten would never do) and is killed by a panicking Lister. Lister manages to get back on board Starbug safely, only for a second Lister to arrive claiming he is the real article. To determine which is the false Lister, the crew ask them to play guitar; the first 'Lister' plays so well that the rest of the crew blast it without waiting to hear how the other performs. The rationale for this test was that the real Lister is a terrible guitar player, but believed he was an excellent one (contrary to his admission that he's not a very good player in "Marooned"), with the result that the Psiren's illusion was based on Lister's belief in his skills rather than being a reflection of his genuine capabilities. Lister gets suitably upset by their accusations that he is a poor player, not helping his cause by providing a practical demonstration, which leads the Cat to give him 'a little survival tip': "Never play your guitar in front of a man with a loaded gun", cocking a Bazookoid, and while they argue the Psiren escapes to the decks below.