Night of the Nearly Dead
| "Night of the Nearly Dead" | |
|---|---|
| Father Ted episode | |
| Episode no. |
Series 3 Episode 7 |
| Directed by | Graham Linehan, Andy de Emmony |
| Written by | Arthur Mathews, Graham Linehan |
| Original air date | 24 April 1998 |
| Guest appearance(s) | |
|
Patrick McDonnell (Eoin McLove) |
|
Patrick McDonnell (Eoin McLove)
Maria Doyle Kennedy (Patsy)
Elva Crowley (Mrs. Boyle)
Rosemary Kennedy (Mrs. Dunne)
Vincent Marzello (Television Psychiatrist)
Maggie Shevlin (Mrs. Collins)
"Night of the Nearly Dead" is the seventh, and penultimate, episode of the third and final series of the Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted. The episode's title and some of the scenes are a parody on the movie Night of the Living Dead.
Childish pop superstar Eoin McLove (a parody of Daniel O'Donnell), popular and beloved only by devoted middle-aged women (all of whom are similar in appearance and dress to Mrs Doyle) visits the Parochial House when Mrs Doyle, implausibly, has her ode to Eoin read out on the show and thus wins the poetry competition. Ted had written an ode to him in Mrs Doyle's name, and originally thinks his ode won, but is shocked to find Mrs Doyle is a better poet then him. While there, he makes a bad impression on the priests (including Jack who he unwisely approaches, before sniffing the surrounding air and abruptly saying "I smell wee"), but Mrs Doyle is infatuated with him. When she tries to present him with tea, her erratic trembling causes the tray to shake so violently that the cup, saucer and teapot slide off and shatter on the floor. Mrs Doyle then faints in his presence.
Earlier in the episode, Mrs Doyle had been shopping for "tea bags shaped like a really tall tower." When suddenly a certain Mrs Boyle literally glides up toward her. She demands to know when Eoin will be arriving, and Mrs Doyle cracks, revealing he will be arriving on Sunday. But she pleads with Mrs Boyle not to spread it around, as Eoin wouldn't want anyone to know. Mrs Boyle swears she won't blab: "May I be struck down with every disease that it is known for a middle aged woman to suffer from. And as you and I both know, Mrs Doyle, that's a hell of a lot of diseases."
However, Mrs Boyle breaks her promise and instantly spreads the word of Eoin's arrival on the island via the supermarket, the telephone operator, the cybercafe, the lighthouse and back to the supermarket, and soon all the middle-aged housekeepers of the island are gathering on the lawns of the Parochial House in their droves, swarming in from all directions. As Eoin selfishly counts down the seconds until his visit will end, he requests to leave but is blocked by the presence of the door, seemingly unable to operate it. He has to call his long-suffering assistant Patsy who is waiting in the hall. But they fail to escape as the women have now swarmed to the front doorstep and are preventing anyone from exiting.
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