Mixed-orientation marriage

A mixed-orientation marriage is a marriage between partners of differing sexual orientations. The broader term is mixed-orientation relationship and both terms are often shortened to MOM and MOR respectively.

The people involved in such a marriage may not be romantically or sexually compatible, for example if the marriage is between a heterosexual male and a homosexual female. The term also applies when one of the partners involved is asexual and/or aromantic, leading to a mixed desire for sexual activity and/or romantic activity.

The marriage of an asexual to a sexual is one in which the asexual partner either does not experience sexual desire or attraction, or experiences low desire or attraction. These marriages are often based on romantic love, however they experience challenges around sexual relations. For the asexual partner, the word "compromise" is used by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) community to label the act of consenting to have sex with their partner for their partner's benefit. Sex simply does not occur to the asexual and, for this reason, it is most frequently up to the sexual partner to initiate. There are unresolved questions surrounding such marriages, such as whether the asexual partner has the right to demand the sexual partner be monogamous.

Approximately one third of all mixed-orientation couples stay married. Open communication both within and without the marriage are cited as factors which support marriage, as well as the presence of children. Bisexual-heterosexual marriages face external misunderstandings regarding the bisexual spouse's sexual orientation as either gay or straight, while peer support is cited as a helpful factor. Successful bisexual-heterosexual marriages "expanded their concept of sexual orientation to encompass dual attraction and assume marital sex as a given."

A study on the nature of mixed-orientation marriages was conducted in 2002 at Deakin University, Australia. This study was conducted on 26 men: of these 26 men, 50% thought they were gay before their mixed-orientation marriage and 85% identified as gay after their mixed-orientation marriage. An interesting finding of this study is that, "the two most common reasons cited (for engaging in mixed-orientation marriages) were that it 'seemed natural' (cited by 65.4%), and that they 'wanted children and family life' (65.4%)." This finding is later contrasted with an earlier study, "These (two) reasons seem different from the most frequent ones found by Ross (1983) which focused on social expectancy and concerns over homosexuality." Though these and other findings are of great intrigue, there are limitations as to what can be extrapolated from the data and the author of the Deakin University study agrees, "Further research with men, women and children of these 'mixed-orientation marriages' is needed to develop a theoretical understanding of the causes, processes and impact of marriage (and marriage-breakdown) in gay and bisexual men."

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