Mary Silliman

Mary Fish Noyes Silliman (1736-1818) was a matriarch in Revolutionary and post-colonial Connecticut, USA, whose moral authority and determined spirit helped her family weather the hardships of war, illness, and debt. The 1993 film Mary Silliman’s War told the story of Mary’s experience during the American Revolution.

Mary Fish was born on May 30, 1736 in Stonington, Connecticut to Joseph Fish and Mary (Pabodie) Fish. At the age of fifteen, she entered the school of Sarah Osborn, an accomplished woman and a model of female independence.

On Nov. 16, 1758, Mary and John Noyes – the son of the Rev. Joseph Noyes of the First Church in New Haven – were married. Her new husband was a former rector of the Hopkins Grammar School in New Haven who preached occasionally, engaged in modest dealings in the shipping trade, and suffered from epilepsy. Together, they lived in a house on Elm Street in New Haven and had five children: Rebecca in 1759 (died four days after birth), Joseph (called Jose) in 1761, John in 1762, James in 1764, and Mary in 1766 (died in 1770). Their mother’s dear sister Becca died of smallpox in the winter of 1766 and their father died shortly after, in the fall of 1767. John had died intestate, and Mary became his executrix. All three of their sons went on to enter the ministry, following in the footsteps of their father and grandfathers.

Mary and Colonel Gold Selleck Silliman, a lawyer and member of one of Fairfield County’s most influential families, were married on May 24, 1775 in Stonington following a courtship sustained by frequent letters. The new couple moved to Gold’s farm in Fairfield soon after, merging their previously independent households. Their marriage was rooted in lasting friendship, deep affection, and mutual respect. Mary and Gold had two children together: Gold Selleck (called Sellek) in October 1777 and Benjamin in August 1779.

Knowing that military involvement in the Revolution could rob her of her second husband through absence or death, Mary learned the workings of his farm as well as knowledge of his financial affairs. Mary fell ill with dysentery in 1776 but upon recovery, ran the Silliman farm, entertained militia officers, housed refugees of war violence, managed the labor of several slaves and her adult stepson, drew accounts, and collected rent on her late first husband’s farms, all while her husband led the state militia.

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