Infatuate

Infatuation or being smitten is the state of being carried away by an unreasoned passion, usually towards another person for which one has developed strong romantic feelings.

Cox says that infatuation can be distinguished from romantic love only when looking back on a particular interest. Infatuation may also develop into a mature love. Goldstein and Brandon describe infatuation as the first stage of a relationship before developing into a mature intimacy. Phillips describes how the illusions of infatuations inevitably lead to disappointment when learning the truth about a lover. It is an object of extravagant, short-lived passion or temporary love of an adolescent.

'It is customary to view young people's dating relationships and first relationships as puppy love or infatuation'; and if infatuation is both an early stage in a deepening sequence of love/attachment, and at the same time a potential stopping point, it is perhaps no surprise that it is a condition especially prevalent in the first, youthful explorations of the world of relationships. Thus 'the first passionate adoration of a youth for a celebrated actress whom he regards as far above him, to whom he scarcely dares lift his bashful eyes' may be seen as part of an 'infatuation with celebrity especially perilous with the young'.

Admiration plays a significant part in this, as 'in the case of a schoolgirl crush on a boy or on a male teacher. The girl starts off admiring the teacher..[then] may get hung up on the teacher and follow him around'. Then there may be shame at being confronted with the fact that 'you've got what's called a crush on him...Think if someone was hanging around you, pestering and sighing'. Of course 'sex may come into this...with an infatuated schoolgirl or schoolboy' as well, producing the 'stricken gaze, a compulsive movement of the throat...an "I'm lying down and I don't care if you walk on me, babe", expression' of infatuation. Such a cocktail of emotions 'may even falsify the "erotic sense of reality": when a person in love estimates his partner's virtues he is usually not very realistic...projection of all his ideals onto the partner's personality'.

It is this projection that differentiates infatuation from love, according to the spiritual teacher Meher Baba: "In infatuation, the person is a passive victim of the spell of conceived attraction for the object. In love there is an active appreciation of the intrinsic worth of the object of love."

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