Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead

Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead
Written by	Bert V. Royal
Characters	CB CB's Sister Van Matt Beethoven Tricia York Marcy Van's Sister
Date premiered	August 2004
Place premiered	Soho Playhouse as part of FringeNYC
Original language	English
Subject	Imagining characters from the comic strip Peanuts as teenagers
Genre	Drama, satire

Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead is a play written by Bert V. Royal.

An "unauthorized parody," the play imagines characters from the popular comic strip Peanuts as degenerate teenagers. Drug use, child sexual abuse, suicide, eating disorders, teen violence, rebellion, sexual relations and identity are among the issues covered in this parody of the works of Charles M. Schulz. The show cleverly disguises the identity of each character, so that the issues of the play draw more focus than attempting to guess "who's who". However, the use of these famous characters is what gives the show its emotional punch: even these beloved child characters must some day grow up and deal with a harsh reality as they find their place in the world.

CB and CB's sister have a funeral for their dog, who recently contracted rabies and was put down after killing "a little yellow bird" (implied to be Woodstock) and nearly biting CB. Unfortunately, the funeral ends in failure as they argue over who should say a prayer for him. CB then goes to see his pothead friend Van, asking where people go when they die. Van, who claims to be Buddhist, says that spirits either dissolve away or get reincarnated. The next day at school CB asks his friend Matt where we go when we die. Matt gives him a more detailed explanation, proposing that when we die we return to a vagina, similar to being born, although the vagina does not belong to our mother. Beethoven walks by and Matt calls him a fag.

At lunch Marcy and Tricia tell their friends about an upcoming party at Marcy's house. CB goes to Beethoven's practice room to listen to his music. CB then monologues over his dead dog which irritates Beethoven that in return, Beethoven tells CB about how he can't go through his day without someone bullying him in some sort, and tells CB that "messing around with me" means teasing and other sorts. CB makes a truce with Beethoven to reestablish their friendship. CB sits next to Beethoven while he plays, and then CB kisses Beethoven.

At the party, Matt calls Beethoven a fag again. CB comes to Beethoven's defense and kisses him again, this time in front of everyone. Outside, Beethoven demands an explanation of what happened. CB says he wanted to do that and in return, Beethoven kisses CB. A few days later, Matt, Tricia, Marcy and Van eat lunch together, and are all stunned at what happened. Matt vows to make Beethoven pay for "messing with [his] best friend's head". CB goes to visit Van's sister, who was institutionalized for setting the Little Red-Haired Girl's hair on fire. CB tells her the whole story, also revealing that he and Beethoven had sex after the party.

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