Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading
| "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading" | |
|---|---|
| Father Ted episode | |
| Episode no. |
Series 2 Episode 8 |
| Directed by | Declan Lowney |
| Written by | |
| Produced by | Lissa Evans |
| Featured music | The Divine Comedy |
| Cinematography by | Chris Owen |
| Editing by |
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| Original air date | 26 April 1996 |
| Guest appearance(s) | |
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"Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading" is the eighth episode of the second series of Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted and the fourteenth episode overall. Its name references the Oasis song "Cigarettes & Alcohol".
It's Lent on Craggy Island, and the priests attempt to give up their worst vices: Ted his smoking, Jack his drinking (which Ted decided for him) and Dougal his rollerblading, because Father Dick Byrne tells Ted they plan to do the same thing (but was in truth lying). Ted has hidden Jack's alcohol supply in a cave beneath the Cliffs of Moher.
That night, Ted sneaks into the garden shed to secretly smoke, only to find Jack with alcohol and Dougal wearing his rollerblades in there. Realizing they need extra help keeping their Lenten vows, Ted rings a Church-run addiction service (Matty Hislop's), and is promised they will send someone to Craggy Island. When Ted comes off the phone, he and Dougal discover that Jack is sober for the first time in 12 years - the last of the alcohol has left his body, and after assessing his situation, cries in anguish "Don't tell me I'm still on that feckin' island!".
Mrs Doyle is taking a Lenten pilgrimage to St. Patrick's Hill, to keep her on "the straight and narrow"; pilgrims take off their socks and climb to the summit before being chased back down with a plank. Before leaving, Mrs Doyle recalls a couple from a previous pilgrimage, who had been obsessed with "the old S-E-X". As Ted is tucking into his sausage, she graphically explains how glad she is that she never thinks about that kind of thing.
Ted is rescued by the sound of the doorbell. It is Sister Assumpta, who they have met many times before (although Dougal only remembers her after much prompting). Ted says to Dougal: "Do you not remember Sister Assumpta?" He then proceeds to remind him of the events of her last visit, which included Dougal winning £100, being arrested for shoplifting, the Garda station setting on fire, Dougal being rescued from the flames by a helicopter and falling out of the helicopter into the tiger cage in a zoo. Dougal fails to remember Assumpta as Ted recounts these events, but his memory returns when Ted reminds him that he was wearing his blue jumper. Jack, meanwhile, runs for the hills upon learning there's a nun staying with them.
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