Bengali marriage

A Bengali wedding (Bengali: বিয়ে, বিবাহ) includes many rituals and ceremonies that can span several days. In most cases, it starts with the Kabin ceremony (the official registration of the wedding and presenting Denmohor or Mahr) and ends with the Bou Bhat ceremony (the wedding reception, a day after the marriage, usually arranged by the groom's family). Though the rituals differ with the various districts of Bengal, among Hindus, it is usually classified into two: the Ghoti and Bangal rituals.

A traditional wedding is arranged by Ghotoks (matchmakers), who are generally friends or relatives of the couple, or sometimes just professional matchmakers. The Ghotoks facilitate the couple's introduction to the wedding guests, and are given special gifts called Ghotokbidae (lit., "bidding goodbye to the Ghotoks") if the alliance is agreed upon and the marriage is realized. Families traditionally seek their children's matches from the same caste, religion and social standing. In the case of an arranged marriage, if the aforementioned 'compatibility' factors are duly matched, only then is the pairing deemed a raj-jotak (an ideal match). Nowadays (as arranged marriages are not mandatory), couples often choose their life partners themselves after a period of courtship and understanding each other well, while still giving some consideration to the traditional 'compatibility' factors, however not strictly conforming to conventional notions of both partners being an "ideal match." In modern English parlance, such a non-Ghotok-arranged alliance is called a "love match" and is based more upon the preferences and wishes of the partners than strict traditional norms.

Once the arrangement is done, the planning of the wedding itself is done by parents. They usually start the planning the wedding venue many months ahead. The bride usually participates actively in shopping for her bridal attire and gifts.

Although nowadays the couple find each other according to their own choices, the official engagement must follow from formal consent given by the family elders from both sides.

Through a ceremony called 'paka-dekha' (in case of Ghotis) or patri-patro, usually observed by Bangals, the alliance is formalized so final wedding preparations can proceed in due course with confidence that it is indeed intentional and assured to take place. Paka-dekha is celebrated on a day when both families convene at either side's home to fix the final date and time of day (the lagno) of the marriage, and entertain any demands made by the groom's family in order to ensure that the bride's future is well assured. Sometimes priests may also officiate, documenting the marriage's specifications for legal/government purposes, and setting the details on paper (or in current-day digital form) and signing it from both sides' present eldest guardians. Videography or static photography can be used to record the details for posterity in lieu of paper documentation.

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Wikipedia