"Apocalypse Please", also known as "Emergency", is a song by English alternative rock band Muse, featured on their 2003 third studio album Absolution. Written by lead vocalist, guitarist and pianist Matthew Bellamy, a live version of the song was released as a digital download single on 23 August 2004, from which approximately 70% of all proceeds were donated to Oxfam. The song reached number ten on the first edition of the UK Official Download Chart, announced on 1 September 2004.

"Apocalypse Please" was originally recorded with an orchestral backing, which was removed simply for being, according to Bellamy, "too much." Drummer Dominic Howard described the song as "a very theatrical song about religious fanatics and their wish that their prophecies come true [...] So that they can confirm their religion." Producer Rich Costey explained, in an interview with Sound on Sound in 2003, that "[he] really wanted ["Apocalypse Please"] to sound just ridiculous and as epic as possible," revealing that "the studio had a swimming pool [...] and what we did was bring over a couple of kick drums, put them on stands, and miked one of them really close [...] to get a low, thumping sound," in order to create the desired result.

"Apocalypse Please" was released on Absolution as the second track on the album, succeeding an instrumental percussion-based intro and preceding the single "Time Is Running Out". Along with the single release, Muse ran a competition to win a signed and framed set list, also in conjunction with Oxfam. In 2005, "Apocalypse Please" was featured on the live video album Absolution Tour; in 2008, it was also featured on the DVD edition of the live album HAARP.

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